I’m not at all ashamed to tell you that when it comes to tv and movie viewing, my kids are totally sheltered.

To give you an example, my 12-year-old had a birthday party a couple weeks back where 14 of his closest friends came to the house after school.

(And for those of you who asked, I ended up getting a $4 cake off the Day Old rack at Walmart after I couldn’t get the ice cream one I wanted. Figured there was no reason to spend a fortune if he didn’t even like it! And then, after everyone was gone except for the Smith Brothers, I realized I’d forgotten to even serve the thing. I have no idea why my almost teenager didn’t want to wear a pointy hat and blow out birthday candles but hey, I let him have his way on his b-day. So anyway, when I finally got the plastic container of staleness out of the fridge, all us cake lovers got a fork and dug in without even slicing it. Am I a cool mom or what?)

Okay, that was a rabbit. Back to the point.

While all the boys were here, the conversation turned to Saturday Night Live which my kids don’t even know exists. There were some jokes about Muslims and what they are promised in the afterlife should they homicide-bomb themselves. (I’m not typing it out but I’m assuming you know what that is.) Anyway, everyone was just howling over some joke they’d told on SNL as my kid sat there with a dumbfounded, embarrassed look on his face. He then said, “Ummm. I don’t know what y’all are talking about.”

The boys laughed even harder thinking he was kidding to which he said, “I’m not kidding y’all. I have no idea what that just meant.”

It was seriously one of the proudest moments of my motherhood.

(Don’t worry…his dad hasn’t left him in the dark. The Talk soon followed. The kid was so mortified I didn’t think he would ever show his face again. What’s more precious is that he still believes in Santa. I asked hubby why he felt it necessary to discuss the birds and the bees and yet neglect to tell him Santa wasn’t real. “There really is only so much trauma a boy can take at one time,” he said. So, it looks like ‘ole Santy Claus is alive and well for at least one more Christmas in the McKay house.)

Okay, so y’all get it that my kid is an innocent and just one of the most precious things in the world. So when he asked to watch Will Smith’s ‘I am Legend’ I was a little concerned it might be too much scary imagery but I figured watching it was kind of like a rite of passage. He’s watched Lord of the Rings and seemed none the worse for wear. I also reasoned it was time he watched something besides Barney and SpongeBob. (Okay, kidding about Spongebob.)

Anyhow…..last night we sat down for Family Movie night and watched Legend. (I use the term family loosely. The other boys were at spend the nights and the daughter was asleep.)

As for the movie? One word.

Freakshow.

I have to give kudos to the fact there is only one or two ‘words’ in the whole movie. Nothing at all dirty about the film but the virus mutant people were just so incredibly grotesque. However, The Boy hung in there and watched the whole thing without covering his eyes once. I remember mourning a bit over the fact that my baby was growing up.

The tears were totally unnecessary. The kid was wigged out of his skin.

I didn’t know this until it was time to go to bed and he requested sleeping with the lights on and doors open. Luke, being the model of a compassionate father that he is, climbed into bed with the Boy and said gently…

“What’s wrong, son…..Are you scared a big, bad monster is under your bed?”

He then proceeded to tell him our next movie night was going to be a Triple Feature of Saw, Friday the 13th, and Nightmare on Elm Street. With popcorn.

Oh yeah, the kid felt much better after all that.

(Luke was obviously kidding…We talked for a bit and gave him some Jesus imagery to go to bed on..:) Before he fell asleep, The Boy admitted he just wasn’t ready for scary.

And I am so happy, because his mom is just not ready for him to be ready either.

So for next week? It’s looking like a Purple Dinosaur Extravaganza…

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