I was in Walmart yesterday and decided to torture my winter-bloated, melanin-deprived self by trying on swimsuits. I suppose I did this because I wasn’t yet convinced I was not beautiful after the last attack on my esteem by my darling 4 year old daughter. Anyway, I chose three suits that were just a bit more ‘hip’ than the one I purchased immediately after giving birth to my 11-year old son. I have told myself for 11 years I would not buy another bathing suit until I lost 15 lbs therefore, because I do love my McDonald’s double cheeseburgers, I am still wearing it.

I found three fetching little tankinis that I was relatively sure would hang low enough to cover the baby bump. That would be the 4-year-old baby bump that does not actually house a baby. So, as we were heading to the dressing room, my daughter spotted a fairly large clothing rack and said, “Hey mom..Behind those clothes over there looks like a pretty good place where no one will see you.”

Now. We have been clothes shopping together plenty of times before but I don’t remember that we have ever been in the dressing room at Walmart. We reserve our dressing room visits to Kohl’s which happens to be the single most awesome semi-department store to ever be created. So apparently, my little princess thought that since she had never seen a dressing room at Wal-mart that I would just shuck my duds in the least crowded corner and no one would ever know the difference. I wonder if there is a special Walmart intercom code for “Crazy Naked Lady on Aisle 4”?

After I assured her that no, not today or ever, would I be changing clothes in public at the Walmart we checked into the dressing room. I will spare you a play by play but I will tell you that while I was trying on the suits, my very loud little girl was exclaiming, “WOW Mom, THAT one will fit you because it is REALLY BIG. I mean REALLY BIG. And I know it will cover your big ‘ole bottom because, well look at it! It is REALLY BIG! Boy, is that a BIG ONE. That is the one you need momma. The Big One. The Really Big One. Cause it is Big.”

Would you be surprised if I told you I did not buy a bathing suit yesterday? I think I may try again in say, oh, another 11 years when it will no longer be necessary or appropriate for my daughter to be in the dressing room with me. Cause her mouth? It is a really Big One. I mean really Big.

Big – but adorable. :)

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